He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
