K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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