So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
