the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
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