So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
