its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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