Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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