Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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