ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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