Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
