Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
