all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
