So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
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