so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
