After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
