My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
