You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
She bit a glass in half.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
