she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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