I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
So vagazzling was a success
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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