just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
