After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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