We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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