Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
i dont even know how to be here
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
So much Jack, so little girl.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
