dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
