This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
