Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
