I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
