what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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