Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
