I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
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