I'm laying in your front yard are you home
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
