I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
