So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
