I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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