mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
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