thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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