I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
