and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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