are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
