Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
