butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Randomize
