I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
He felt like a one man threesome
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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