I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
