you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
