Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
