the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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