I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
