I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
