And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
