What did we do last night that was yellow?
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
