hell yes lets make some ravioli
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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