I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
