come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Randomize
