Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
